Doing Pirouettes From The Corner

Last night when I had my final feed for the day the nurse who was with me helped me to use imagery to get through it. We both did ballet and both love ballet so she got me to close my eyes and imagine I was in ballet class. In my mind I walked to the corner, watched the four dancers before me then did my preparation and off I went with my arms in second position spinning and spotting, spinning and spotting until I reached the end of the room. Then I watched the three other dancers that were after me before walking to the corner and repeating. I repeated this over and over again in my mind until my feed was finished and that’s how I got through it. Total imagery taking me away from a reality that feels unbearable.

Waking Up In a Panic

I dreamt of food last night. I had eaten three quarters of a flump and I popped the last bit in my mouth without a thought before heading to the shop with my mum to buy bits for a picnic and then it hit me that I had eaten and I instantly regretted it. I woke up in a panic. Was it real? Had I eaten? I was shaking, full of fear and total panic.

I hate this illness, sleep is not even an escape from it anymore.