What’s It Like To Be Restrained?

Being distressed is horrible, those feelings of utter desperation, sadness, anger, fear, guilt…the list goes on. All those emotions and thoughts that form a ball of intolerable distress. So you can imagine how horrible a distressed person is feeling but imagine on top of that being restrained so that they can’t move their limbs or go to a different room. They are stuck. From personal experience I can tell you that it’s truly horrible.

I understand why restraint is necessary. Restraining is used to prevent harm either to the individual or to other people. I have always been restrained to stop me from hurting myself or absconding.

Frustration comes to mind when I think about restraint. Frustration mixed with terror, anger and shame. I’ll share with you a recent experience of being restrained. I had attempted to pull my NG tube out and it was half out by the time the staff noticed. They both grabbed me, one on each wrist and with a tight grip. I couldn’t move my arms. At that point I didn’t particularly care as the NG was already too far out to put back in but it still wasn’t nice to be held down. They held my arms for what seemed like ages and I needed to use the bathroom. I was escorted one on each arm to the toilets. After I had used the toilet I wanted to look in the mirror to body check and I admit this often takes me some time. The staff I was with thought I had spent long enough in front of the mirror so went to hold me and escort me out and back to my room. I hadn’t finished and it the distressed state I was in, I felt I needed to finish. So to stop them from walking me out and away from the mirror, I put myself down to the floor and sat cross legged with a person still on each arm. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I hated that people were holding me and touching me. I was angry at them because they were stopping me from doing what I felt needed to be done. I was also deeply ashamed, there is little more shameful than being restrained. Having the control over your body completely taken away. Being held down so that you cannot move. Being injected with a medication you don’t want and surrounded by staff. Being watched whilst in such a vulnerable position is horrible. I understand that it’s necessary…in fact it’s probably saved my life a good few times in the past but that doesn’t take away how traumatic and horrible it is to be restrained.

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