climbED: There isn’t just thin or fat, there is healthy!

I realised that when I look at pictures of myself or my reflection in the mirror then I often see myself as thin or fat, there is no in between but the truth of the situation is that I have never been overweight, or remotely near overweight. This is my black and white thinking saying that I can only be thin or fat and I don’t even acknowledge that healthy sits in between those two. I even found myself the other day saying to my psychologist, “But when I’m a healthy weight, I look fat.” Whoa! Wait a minute, let’s break that down. When I am a healthy weight, I look fat. That doesn’t make sense. Surely when I am a healthy weight, I look healthy and healthy is not at all the same as overweight.

I think it’s a common thing with eating disorders, black and white thinking occurs quite a lot, for example food is either good or bad, someone is either thin or fat. The middle-ground and ‘normal’ areas do not seem to exist in many people’s minds. That’s okay to feel that way, to think that way,  as an unwell person these thoughts are going to happen but what I am trying to do is think deeper about these thoughts. Rather than accept the thought as correct and letting it fly by I think about it and break it down. It can also be helpful to apply it to other people. My friend is healthy, she is not thin or fat for example.

Eating disorders can warp thinking and I find this very difficult, what is an eating disorder thought? What is a true thought? But I write them down and try to think about the things I think and accept on a daily basis to see if there is any truth behind them. Seeing yourself as thin or fat and not acknowledging that there is an in between is an eating disorder thought and it is not helpful. Don’t forget that there is a middle-ground.

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2 thoughts on “climbED: There isn’t just thin or fat, there is healthy!

  1. Ugh the black and white thinking is so automatic.
    I remember thinking that at BMI 20 I’d feel too fat and I’d constantly feel like I needed to lose weight so I was scared to go up to it and resisted for a while even when i was doing well in recovery. Although that was the case when I first got to that weight, after getting used to BMI 20 over a series of months and falling down a few times before picking myself up, and now years, you realise the benefits to your body of being a healthy weight. You remember how horrible it was to not eat and purge and you just can’t do it anymore even if you do at a moment feel fat. It takes a long time to get used to it, but I’d rather be this weight being able to do all that I can do now, than lose weight, that’s what I remind myself of when I think I need to lose weight.

    Liked by 1 person

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