Since December I had been relapsing resulting in two hospital admissions, one detention under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act and me turning into a house bound ball of depression and anorexia. I had allowed my illness to consume me and I felt as though I had given up the fight.
Thursday showed me how much life can change in a day, in the morning I felt hopeless and stuck in the grips of anorexia and then I got a phone call from the BBC wanting me to go to Manchester. My first thought was, “I can’t do this!” It wasn’t the TV interview that was the issue, it was getting a train and staying in a hotel. I thought “I’m too ill….I haven’t been out of hospital long” but after some conversations I decided to bite the bullet and go for it. Just getting to the hotel was an achievement for me and the change from being a hopeless hollow shell in the morning to being Claire full of hope and life shocked me, it still does. I can’t believe I did it and that everything went so smoothly.
My passion in life is speaking out about mental illness and to do that on BBC breakfast was amazing. I received such lovely comments from an overwhelming amount of people. On top of this, my psychiatrist gave me a very motivational talk, he told me to write a book and that he thinks it will do very well.
Less than 72 hours ago I truly believed my life was over, that my illnesses had won and I couldn’t fight them anymore. Now I am ready to battle whatever comes my way, full of motivation and determination. I will continue speaking out about mental illness, I will put my writing talent to good use. I will be Claire and not allow my illnesses to hide the person I really am.
To anyone who may be reading this and feeling like they cannot cope, cannot bear what they are going through. To anyone who feels like their illness is winning the battle. I just want to say to you that it does get better and it will get better and probably when you least expect it. This is my message of hope.