There are a lot of common misconceptions surrounding the subject of suicide, a big one being that suicide is the easy way out. It is not.
Firstly there is a lot of things that person has to consider. I have been in that place where I’ve felt I have to die because there’s no way out of my illness, out of this nightmare and I know from experience it is not easy. I have sat there with my family, who I love very dearly and I have wondered if it would be the last time we sit together. I have had to wonder about how they would cope, what if my sister dropped out of university? or my parents divorced because my death destroyed them? They are not easy things to think about. Kissing my mum goodnight and not knowing if I will see her again, that’s got to be the most painful thing I’ve done, muffling my sobs with my duvet because I love her so much but my illness is destroying me. Considering the effect of my death on others was so very difficult but I didn’t know what else to do, I couldn’t handle being ill anymore nor the living hell my illnesses had handed me.
Secondly dying isn’t easy. The body fights against death, that’s what it is made to do-to survive. There are a lot of attempts where the person survives because their body fights it and it can be so distressing to fight your body when you want to die but your body wants to survive.
Trying to take your own life is scary, wondering if it will hurt, what will death be like, all those questions that aren’t nice to think about. It made me hesitant. I have been stood at the top of a building in tears because I didn’t know what else to do, I felt unable to return back to my life but I was so scared of the fall. Just because I felt fear, it does not mean that I wasn’t suicidal. I think it’s probably normal to feel terrified.
Suicide is hard, dying is both difficult and horrific. There is nothing glamorous nor romantic about it. It is painful and difficult both physically and mentally and it destroys families. A person considering suicide is never taking the easy way out, an easy way out does not exist.
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